Britain Declares Victory In War On Economy

The National Institute of Economic and Social Research has officially declared that Britain is the first industrialised country to emerge from the depths of economic recession.

Brits can finally start using their money clips again.

The NIESR claims that the British gross domestic product (GDP) grew for the first time in over a year in April, expanding by 0.2 per cent and a further 0.1 per cent in May.

The think-tank produces monthly estimates of British GDP growth, and claims that the lowest point of the recession was passed in March. Someone should tell my bank balance.

If official data confirm the prediction, it would mark the greatest victory since I opened that jar of pickles this morning. That was a tough time.

via: The Times

Gordon Brown: Even Unpopular With Currency

The British pound fell sharply again today, after having briefly reached a seven-month high yesterday, in light of speculation that wildly unpopular Prime Minister Gordon Brown would resign.

This graph represents the monetary approval ratings of Brown since he took office over 100 years ago.

Although the rumours were quickly dismissed by his office, the pound fell over 1.0 per cent against the US dollar to $1.6082, a session low, before recovering to a slightly less terrible $1.62.

Brown is the first British politician to register such low approval ratings with their national currency since this morning when I made up the idea.

via: Reuters

Stormtroopers Feeling Effects of Economy

via: balakov

Ryanair Learns That Very Low Prices + Bad Economy = Very Low Profit

You-get-what-you-pay-for budget airline Ryanair has fallen into its first ever loss, reporting a €169m ($239m) loss last year.

This is what a plane looks like.

The deficit, the first in their 24-year history, was mostly blamed on rising fuel costs, with Ryanair claiming their costs rose by 59 per cent in year up to the end of March 2009. 

This loss came in spite of an 8.4 per cent increase in annual sales upon the previous year, overtaking the passenger numbers of high-fliers such as British Airways and Air France, Ryanair said.

This was certainly good news to Chief executive Michael O’Leary, who predicted that the his company’s profits would increase to between  €200 and 300m in the current financial year.

News of the loss is expected to shock everyone who failed math or has been living under a rock and is unaware that the financial apocalypse has dawned.

via: EarthTimes

Economists To Be Out Of A Job ‘By Christmas’

Artist's depiction of a money fight.

A survey by the National Association for Business Economics released today found that over 90% of economists predict that the recession should be over by the end of the year, with only 7% predicting it to last until early 2010.

However, they did warn that the road to economic recovery would not be smooth, with unemployment expected to rise again before corporations feel stable enough to begin employing people again. Consumer spending is also expected to remain subdued for some time until the harsh conditions imposed by the downturn have passed.

NABE president Chris Varvares was assured that the economy showed gradual signs of lethargic recovery, ”while the overall tone remains soft, there are emerging signs that the economy is stabilizing”.

Repossession firms are believed to be bummed out by the news.

via: MSNBC