Restoring Honor: Thousands Rally in Bradford & Washington Over Islam

Thousands of activists have taken to the streets today, across both the UK and the US, to make a stand against the perceived threat of Islam.

The two rallies may be officially unrelated, but share a very similar cause: to fight against the influence of the Islamic faith.

An honorable cause. Photo: John Giles/PA

The rally in Bradford, England was organised by the English Defence League, a far-right, “counter Jihad movement” that claims to be peaceful and opposed only to “militant Islam”. Five arrests were made at the rally after missiles were thrown at police.

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Whistle Blown: WikiLeaks To Release CIA Papers As Founder Faces Investigation

Put your lips together and...publish a website.

WikiLeaks is expected to release a leaked CIA paper today, as the founder of the whistleblowing organisation, Julian Assange, is now subject to a formal investigation over molestation claims.

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Lessons from Sarah Palin: Brazil Bans Politician-Mocking Before Elections

The Brazilian Tina Fey is probably out of a job.
Photo: NBC

Brazilian comedians have taken a hit as they have been banned from mocking or caricaturing Brazil’s politicians by Brazil’s election commission.

Popular Brazilian satirical show news show CQC is among the hardest hit, with many of its most popular segments deriving from Saturday Night Live-style political humor.

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BREAKING: Miss USA opposes ‘Ground Zero Mosque’

Fakih says NO

Plans to build a bible-bashing mosque at the site of the worst atrocity in the history of humanity were dealt a blow today by Miss USA’s condemnation of the idea.

Rima Fakih, the first Muslim Miss USA, agreed with President Obama that religious groups have constitutional rights to freedom of expression, but disagreed with their geographical choice, saying:

No Residency, No Presidency: Wyclef Jean Out of Presidential Race

Fugees star Wyclef Jean has been disqualified from the Haitian Presidential race by the country’s electoral commission. The commission gave no reasons for ruling him out… Continue reading →

Famewhoring Crocodile Tries it Octopus-Style in Aussie Elections

Attempting to emulate the ungodly powers of Paul the Psychic Octopus, a wannabe Australian crocodile is trying its hand at devil-worship by predicting the outcome of the Australian Prime Ministerial elections.

Photo: Ho/Reuters

The saltwater crocodile, named Harry, made the prediction by eating a piece of chicken dangling from a photograph of the incumbent Prime Minister Julia Gillard, who is also Australia’s first female and first unmarried Head of State.

The psychic pedigree of the crocodilian clairvoyant is unknown, although it is claimed that he, too, predicted Spain’s win in the World Cup Final last month – a claim that is now being echoed by ninety per cent of the Earth’s population.

Unfortunately for the croc, his prediction is nowhere near as important of those of Paul the Octopus, although without his antics, none of us would know who Julia Gillard is.

Source: Guardian

Jacqui Smith To Stand Down After Sex Tape Scandal*

Home Secretary Jacqui ‘it wasn’t my porno, I swear’ Smith is set to stand down from her position, the BBC is reporting. In a highly coincidental show of timing, Prime Minister Gordon Brown is attempting to ‘shake up’ his cabinet … Continue reading →

Treacherous Male Calls For Women To Take Over The World

Man-person Charlie Brooker has endangered civilisation as we know it by calling upon women to overthrow our heroic male leaders and take over the entire world. Brooker, possibly suffering from a bout of rationality watching too much daytime television, argues that … Continue reading →

Weekly Fail: News Round-up

We've been aware of animal's ulterior motives since the dawn of television. Image © Warner Bros. All rights reserved.

• Jesus returned to Earth, but God didn’t.
• Wikipedia incurred the wrath of Xenu.
• Evil animals threatened to destroy modern civilisation on multiple occasions. So did yoghurt.
• Piers Morgan proved himself worthy of sainthood, while his TV show discriminated against perennial underdogs, men.
• Microsoft put a Bing on it. Time Warner took the ring off.
• Barack Obama threatened national security, and revealed his America-hating ways.
• MPs spent some money and pissed people off.
• Selfish bakers caused children to eat Lego, and selfish humans caused animals to get sick by being eaten by them.
• Environmentalists polluted the environment with noise, girls polluted the environment by being born, childless women polluted the environment with their empty uteri.
• Not paying attention in school created a criminal mastermind.
• Shock-inducing research changed our lives forever.
• Phones were banned, unbanned and threatened.
• Women proved they couldn’t be trusted with proper jobs. Or bingo membership.
• Britons suffer indignity of slow internet, and a man gave a epic demonstration of irony.

MPs Take 4 Months To Realise It Was A Bit Snowy In February

A report by the Transport Select Committee has condemned London Mayor Boris Johnson’s handling of the snow in February. Yes that’s right, February.

This robin could have told you the same thing 3 months ago.

The report says that “The lack of leadership manifested in his reaction to the disruption of public transport is disappointing.”

Committe chairwoman Louise Ellman added “The travel disruption at the beginning of February was unsatisfactory.”

Johnson has previously criticised the criticism he has received, calling it “pathetic” before sulking off to his room in a meeting with the committee in April. A spokesperson has criticised the criticism that his criticism has received, saying “With the benefit of hindsight it is even clearer to the mayor that putting buses on icy roads, which could not be cleared, would have been irresponsible, dangerous and potentially lethal”.

The committee is expected to respond to the Mayor’s criticism of their criticism of the way he criticised their criticism of him in about four more months.

via: politics.co.uk