Top 10 Signs that Glenn Beck is Insane

10. Barking like a dog 9. His own panel of guests are baffled by his incoherent rants 8. He experiences esoteric hallucinations about killing Michael Moore

McLawsuit: McDonalds McSues Sardinian Snack Bar ‘McPuddus’

Local restaurant owner Ivan Puddu has incurred the McWrath of international fast food giant McDonalds by daring to append ‘Mc’ to his snack bar’s name.

McPissed Off: Ronald suits up.

Photographer Finds Proof That The World Is Flat

Photo: ~jjjohn~

Dim Drug Dealer Deserts Dope In Arrivals Lounge

An intellectually-challenged drug dealer has broken rule number one of the Drug Smuggling Code (not that I would know anything about that) by forgetting to claim the stash after arriving in the UK.

Smuggling heroin is almost as illegal as smuggling water bottles over 100ml. Almost.

UK Border Agency officials say they found the suitcase going around a luggage carousel at Heathrow Airport. It was packed with 20 kilograms of heroin, worth approximately £800,000 and is believed to have arrived on a flight from Mexico on Friday.

Senior investigation officer for HM Revenue and Customs, Stuart Robinson, added: “At present we have not identified a passenger for this baggage.”

Possible owners are asked to come forward, preferably with their hands in the air.

via: Metro

Home Computers 732% More Evil Than 13 Years Ago

If you own a home computer, it is over seven times more likely to try and kill you now than it would have been in 1992, new statistics have shown.

No amount of pressing the 'Help' key can save you once a computer turns.

Findings in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine have shown that, in that 13-year period, almost 80,000 patients were treated in the US for injuries inflicted by computers.

Children under 5 are at particular danger of being victimised, mainly due to falls from tripping over cables, or demonic monitors throwing themselves at the children’s heads.

The UK has seen a similar rise in electronic acts of Satan, with injuries rising from 800 in 1995 to over 1,800 in 1999 and 2,100 in 2002 , the latest figures show. 

Parents are advised to keep young children away from the blood-thirsty killing machines, and also not to play John Mayer’s music on them, as this is thought to anger them further.

via: BBC

Heroic Researchers Finally Find Answer To Most Perplexing Question In History Of Universe

In a noble act of self-sacrifice, academic researchers have finally answered the question that nobody really asked has bamboozled humankind since the dawn of time: Does James Bond prefer blondes?

Boris Johnson Embarasses Self, Surprises No One

Mayor of London Boris Johnson has given a glorious account of himself, and Londoners, yet again today, by falling into a river while trying to urge his constituents to volunteer. While helping clean up the River Pool in Lewisham, he … Continue reading →