Intellectually-Challenged Detective Commits Intellectually-Challenged Bank Robbery

A police detective in Germany has been arrested for committing a crime so ill-advised, it probably shouldn’t count as a criminal offence.

Image © FOX

Detective Juergen Richter entered a German bank to committ a robbery, using his police-issue pistol, an unmarked police car, and made no attempt to disguise his appearance. He is alleged to have stolen £8,000.

CCTV footage of the robbery led police straight to the 55-year-old perpetrator.

Norbert Schaetzle, a spokeman for the police,  said: “He said he had severe financial problems and wanted to solve them quickly.”

Another officer added: “It is hard to imagine a more inept robbery. When you think how many failed criminal plans he has dealt with over the years you would think he might have known better.”

Richter is being charged with possessing a weapon while idiotic armed robbery.

via: Ananova

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Dim Drug Dealer Deserts Dope In Arrivals Lounge

An intellectually-challenged drug dealer has broken rule number one of the Drug Smuggling Code (not that I would know anything about that) by forgetting to claim the stash after arriving in the UK.

Smuggling heroin is almost as illegal as smuggling water bottles over 100ml. Almost.

UK Border Agency officials say they found the suitcase going around a luggage carousel at Heathrow Airport. It was packed with 20 kilograms of heroin, worth approximately £800,000 and is believed to have arrived on a flight from Mexico on Friday.

Senior investigation officer for HM Revenue and Customs, Stuart Robinson, added: “At present we have not identified a passenger for this baggage.”

Possible owners are asked to come forward, preferably with their hands in the air.

via: Metro

Beer Box Bandit Busted By Big Brother

A man in Nebraska has been caught on camera trying to rob a convenience store cleverly disguised as a box of Bud Light with half a man protruding from the end.

Evil Plans: work better if they're not idiotic. He should have paid attention in kindergarten.

CCTV footage shows the man, complete with beer box, entering the store early on Monday morning and subsequently threatening the cashier with his be-towelled hand, under which it appears no actual weapon was concealed. 

Following his haul of about fifty dollars worth of cigarettes, he made for a quick get-away, dropping his ingenious disguise in the process, which is now being checked for fingerprints by police.

He would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for those meddling cameras. 

via: Metro

Relaxation ‘Increases Stress’

  

Don't be fooled. She's actually really stressed.

Shocking results of research published today has found a prominent link between relaxation and high stress levels. 

In a study of passengers at 59 various airports around the world, 82 sceintists surveyed over 2 vacationers before and after they went on their ‘relaxing’ holiday.

Before leaving for their holiday, those who were expecting to have the most relaxing holiday were actually the most stressed upon their return. Thus irrefutable proving that all holidays ever actually make everyone more miserable than before.

Dr. Ian Diotic, head of the study, summarised,

It’s an all-to-common assumption that holidays and relaxation are good for lowering stress levels, but we’ve clearly proven here that the opposite is actually true. 

In light of this new information, those who are seeking relaxation are advised to get a job with an angrier boss, take the most congested route home after work, enroll in University, listen to heavy metal or have children.

via: The Institute of Idiotic Studies.