‘Millionth Word’ Fiasco Sparks International Catastrophe*

Word nerds have been a little bit ticked off recently at the hype following the addition of the millionth word to the English language by a group in the US.

Words often find themselves at the centre of conflicts.

The Global Language Monitor (GLM) recently heralded the term ‘Web 2.0′ to be the millionth English word introduced to the language. The term referrs to the so-called second generation of internet development that has ushered in the new age of online social networking.

The GLM officially acknowledges a new word once it has been used 25,000 times on media and social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter. It estimates that a new English word is born every 98 minutes.

However, many language experts have been left bemused by the claims.

Heroic Researchers Finally Find Answer To Most Perplexing Question In History Of Universe

In a noble act of self-sacrifice, academic researchers have finally answered the question that nobody really asked has bamboozled humankind since the dawn of time: Does James Bond prefer blondes?

Business World To Men: ‘You Suck. Have A Raise’

A libellous new study has found that women make better career decisions than their male counterparts, which also comes in light of the news that men are more likely to be victims of the recession.

If you are a woman, you probably don't know that this shiny stuff is called 'money'.

According to the study, women take fewer professional risks (19% versus 26%), but are more likely to make informed career decisions (47% of women versus 41% of men).

Perhaps this would explain that shameful Apprentice final.

However, fortunately for men, despite their more poorly advised career decisions, there’s still that ever-widening pay gap. God bless the pay gap.

via: Management Today

Researchers ‘Hear’ Shapes and ‘Taste’ Words, Deny Having Psychiatric Problems

Researchers have claimed that humans are all capable of “hearing” shapes and “tasting” words and sounds.

Scrabble: no longer the tastiest incarnation of words.

This merging of senses, known as synaesthesia, they say, helps us make sense of simultaneous sensory sensations by influencing our perceptions. Scientists from Oxford University found people associated lower-pitched sounds with rounder and larger shapes. 

Other cases of synaesthesia, less than 1% of the population, claim the ability to ‘see’ sounds, but Charles Spence, experimental psychology professor at the University, argues that we are all “synaesthetes” to a certain extent.

While the researchers deny having lost their minds, dieticians worry that the findings could lead to a wave of ‘word dieting’, in which people attempt to lose weight by cutting carbohydrates and eating their words.

via: BBC

Garlic ‘Gives Poor Protection Against Vampires’

Garlic is still a potent woman-repeller.

New research published today has shocked the vampire-fearing world by debunking the widely held belief that garlic provides the best protection against our toothy foes. 

Our faith in the power of garlic in deterring crafty haemoglobin-lovers can be traced back hundreds, even thousands of years to when cavemen used to have communal garlic baths as a means of survival. Dr. Steven Upid expanded on these findings,

 We were only actually trying to find out if there was a connection between high garlic consumption and watching American Idol, but we somehow came upon the finding that garlic really does not repel vampires. In fact, to an extent we actually found the opposite in a number of cases where vampires were actually attracted to the smell. 

If nothing else, the news will almost certainly reduce the number of people panic-buying garlic, which has seen a sudden spike recently in the wake of the popular ‘Twilight’ movies.

The ongoing search for an effective vampire repellent continues.

Love of Cereal ‘Linked to Higher Milk Consumption’

This cereal is in 'O' shapes.

Scientists over the world were shocked today to find a causal link between eating cereal and having higher than average milk consumption patterns. In a study of 6 participants, 32 scientists deduced that, over a thirty year period, those who ranked cereal the highest in the Facebook Test ‘What’s your favourite Food?’ were by far the most prolific milk drinkers. 

Dr. Oliver Bvious said that the findings “raised fascinating questions about the relationship between cereal and milk that have previously been left unexplored in the Milky Sciences”.

Cows everywhere are thought to be miffed at the news.

via: The Institute of Pointless Studies