Monkey, Bird Form Diabolical Alliance

Photo: hto2008

Wanted: Human Impersonator & Generally Evil

Photo: Gattou/Lucie

Evil Shark Plans Thwarted By Presence Of Roof

Photo: Daveybot

Photographer Captures Cat In True Form: Evil

Photographer Captures Moment Before Evil Squirrel Attack

Photo: Genista

Moments later, the man was thrown to the ground by the squirrel and robbed.

Anybody with information as to the whereabouts of the squirrel are asked to call 1-800-WHEN-SQUIRRELS-ATTACK. Any information will be given anonymously.

Evil Kitten Plots Earth Takeover While Distracting Onlookers With Deceptive Cuteness

Photo: Difusa

Plunderous Parrot Pinches Passport

A Scottish man has become the latest victim of the cunning ways of our animal foes.

An egg: the birthplace of winged kleptomaniacs.

The man, who asked not to be named, said of the incident: 

My passport is somewhere out there in Fiordland. The kea’s probably using it for fraudulent claims or something. I’ll never look at a Kea in the same way.

The parrot, of the infamous Kea variety, made off into the bushes with the document after lifting it from the unsuspecting man’s bag while the driver was looking through the luggage compartment.

In addition to identity theft, the kea parrot also has a reputation for vandalising rubber objects such as windscreen wipers. 

Police say that neither the passport nor the parrot are likely to be recovered from the dense forests, which is sure to worsen the alarmingly low number of convictions attained for crimes by animals.

via: Guardian

Thieving Sperm Whales Caught On Camera

Sea predators have been known to be evil for some time.

Sperm whales have been caught on camera this week stealing fish from poor unsuspecting fisherman who were probably about to put them back anyway! 

The sperm whales, notorious for their disregard for the law, are shown plucking black cod from the fishing lines, leaving the hard-working fishermen to starve. They usually do their dastardly deeds in depths of up to 2,000 meters (6,500 feet to you imperialists) in waters so deep that J.J. Abrams himself would struggle to get good lighting.

This time, however, the whales, known to have the largest brains of any animal to have ever lived on Earth, got cocky and decided to wrangle their dinner out of some fishermen instead.

Despite the video evidence, police say a conviction will still be immensely difficult due to the obvious language, and species, barriers. Crafty whales.

via: National Geographic

Immigrant African Butterflies to Invade Britain (Job Status Unknown)

Wildlife experts have warned today that swarms of African butterflies are migrating to Europe in search of cooler temperatures.

We're onto you, butterflies.

While relaxed airspace border control into Britain has been letting butterflies in for several years, the Butterfly Conservation Trust says that this year has seen the largest butterfly invasion in over ten years. The group has already had sightings of large swarms entering in the South East has requested that the public help keep a vigilant eye out for them by registering any sightings on their website. 

Some experts claim that up to fifty winged immigrants are arriving in the UK every sixty seconds, trying to claim the cooler climate that belongs to the Great British public. The government is expected to clamp down on border controls in light of this new threat to national climate conditions.

via: news:lite

Evil Penguins ‘Planned to Overthrow Government’

P-p-p-pissed off

An undercover government operation today unveiled a decade-long plan by a parcel of anti-capitalist penguins to overthrow the governnment and begin a Marxist revolution.

The penguins are thought to have been incensed by recent scandals within government including the banking crisis and the still unresolved expenses scandals that revealed corruption within centralised government, and their constant misrepresentation on chocolate bar wrappers. The leader of the parcel, known as ‘Pingu’ said of their actions,

We are tired of the constant stereotypes forced upon us. For too long humans have misinterpreted our evil intentions for innocent cutesiness. We’ve had enough of this social isolation that is so endemic in capitalist societies. It was time for a change. Penguin style.

Most of the remaining penguins fled upon the ambush of their secretive headquarters, so were unavailable for comment. Or a bit of a funny joke.