Top 10 Signs that Glenn Beck is Insane

10. Barking like a dog 9. His own panel of guests are baffled by his incoherent rants 8. He experiences esoteric hallucinations about killing Michael Moore

McLawsuit: McDonalds McSues Sardinian Snack Bar ‘McPuddus’

Local restaurant owner Ivan Puddu has incurred the McWrath of international fast food giant McDonalds by daring to append ‘Mc’ to his snack bar’s name.

McPissed Off: Ronald suits up.

‘We’re All Gonna Die’ -WHO

The World Health Organisation has officially declared a global influenza pandemic, in light of the swine flu pandemic.

In severe strains of flu, people have been known to turn into cartoons.

The declaration means that the swine flu virus has spread across at least two continents, with cases having arisen in the UK, Australia, Japan and Chile.

Official reports claim that there are almost 30,000 known cases globally, with 141 deaths and rising.

It is the first flu pandemic since 1968, in which about a million people died.

Mass panic is expected to ensue.

via: BBC

Gordon Ramsay’s Mommy Makes Him Say Sowwy

Gordon Ramsay, with promting from him mummy-wum has today apologised for offensive comments he made to an Australian TV presenter. At a cooking expo in Melbourne over the weekend, Ramsay made a number of remarks about current affairs presenter Tracy … Continue reading →

Twitter ‘Not Actually Better Than Sliced Bread’

A team of researchers at Harvard has found that Twitter is not, as has previously been reported, the greatest invention since waffles.

LOOK! WAFFLES!

In the study, they found that only 10% of users, or Twits generate over 90% of its content, with over half of users only updating their pages once every 74 days. This compares to an average social networking site where the top 10% of users account for 30% of its content.

Recent research by Nielsen also found that Twitter has one of the lowest return user rates of any networking site, with 60% of Twits in the US failing to return the following month.

Bill Heil, a Harvard Business School graduate who conducted the research explained, ”The Harvard data says very, very few people tweet and the Nielsen data says very, very few people listen consistently”

Twits everywhere will undoubtedly be disappointed to learn that no one is actually listening to them.

via: BBC

Boris Johnson Embarasses Self, Surprises No One

Mayor of London Boris Johnson has given a glorious account of himself, and Londoners, yet again today, by falling into a river while trying to urge his constituents to volunteer. While helping clean up the River Pool in Lewisham, he … Continue reading →

Obese Pregnant Women Advised Not To Become Pregnant With Food

Tens of women are known to have become pregnant with chocolatey food-babies.

A new study has shown that women who are overweight while pregnant may not need to gain any weight, as long as they focus on healthy, balanced eating.

Researcher Yvonne Thornton, MD, explained, 

“The take-home message is that you can eat well during your pregnancy without overeating, and pregnancy should not be a license to overeat, and pregnancy should not be a contributing factor to the epidemic of obesity in this country,”

The Institute of Medicine currently recommends that obese women gain between 11 and 20 pounds during pregnancy, but this new research finds that they can be healthy by maintaining their weight and a balanced diet.

Krispy Kreme will undoubtedly be disappointed by the news.

via: webMD

Talking On A Cell Phone ‘Will Make Your Arm Fall Off’*

Researchers are reporting that extended cell phone use can result in a new phenomenon, dubbed ‘cell phone elbow’ that can affect habitual cell phone users.

Just so we're clear, this is an elbow.

 

Formally known as cubital tunnel syndrome, the symptoms include numbness, tingling and pain in the forearm, which all arise from bending the elbow for extensive periods of time. 

This causes the blood flow to ulnar nerve to become restricted, and can produce symptoms similar to those experienced when hitting the “funny bone”, explained Dr. Peter J. Evans, director of the Cleveland Clinic’s Hand and Upper Extremity Center. He compared the effect to “stepping on a garden hose”.

Although the syndrome will initially only cause discomfort, it can develop into weakened muscle strength, co-ordination and mobility. Evans also reports that in extreme cases the pinky and ring fingers can also become deformed.

In other words, get off the phone unless you want to look like that guy from Scary Movie.

via: redOrbit

*Headline may contain intentionally misleading elements.

Are You Under 52? No?! Oh, Nevermind.

Being over the age of 52 could reduce your chances of contracting swine flu, according to Daniel Jernigan of the Centre’s for Disease Control and Prevention.

You'll need some of this if you're going to build a time machine.

Jernigan explained that those who were exposed to the the Spanish influenza of 1918 will likely still retain the influenza antibodies that they developed.

The Spanish flu was largely eradicated, however, with the avian influenza outbreak of 1957, so those born after this time could not have developed such protection.

Those who are still 51 or under are advised to develop a time machine that can be used to travel back in time and alter the course of events such that they will be born before 1957.

via: ukmedix

Against The Odds: Cancer Patient Bets On Own Life, Wins

After receiving a short prognosis, most people are just a bit sad. Photo: PA

A 59-year-old man from Buckinghamshire, England has won £10,000 so far after betting against his doctor’s prognosis that he would not live into 2007.

Jon Matthews, a widower, was diagnosed with mesothelioma – a cancer often linked with asbestos exposure – in April 2006. Eager to defy expectations, however, he placed a £100 bet, at odds of 50/1, with William Hill that he would live until June of 2008, which won him £5,000.

He made a further bet that he would live another year, with the same odds, which he is due to collect today.

Mr. Matthews also placed a final bet that he would live until June 1, 2010 which, at odds of 100/1 could see him win a £10,000 payout.

He has said of his risky wagers, “I think I’m the first person in the world to bet on my own life.” adding “I know I’m going to die eventually and I have no real need for money, so it will mostly go to worthy causes,” one of which is cancer charity Macmillan.

*Betting on your own life as an incentive to stay alive is not generally recommended. Especially not at odds of 50/1. 

via: The Telegraph