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BREAKING: Obama ‘Could Be Ousted From White House’

The Daily Fail can EXCLUSIVELY and HYSTERICALLY reveal that Barack Obama could be voted out of office this week, in light of historically low polling results. Sources in Washington reveal that the results of the November mid-terms could be so … Continue reading →

Weekly Fail: The Week in News

The Indian Government has been trying to build bridges, after a series of catastrophes mark the days leading up to the Commonwealth Games. See what I did there?
Photo: AP

• Apple fanboys and fangirls in China were given cause to celebrate. Commuters, however, are probably still pissed off.
• Speaking of cults, American Idol announced J-Lo and the Toxic Twin as its new ombudsmen.
• Just when you thought we’d seen the last of them, this week saw the reemergence of swine flu and megalomaniac Terry Jones.
• We learned that having a Queen ain’t cheap.
• Neither is having dementia.
• Across the pond, Gay marriage won more support in the UK, although there may not be any gays there after all.
• Britain was officially named the worst place in Europe.
• Pastor Eddie Long was unofficially named the worst homophobe in Atlanta.
• Holocaust non-believer David Irving took his Hail Hitler Tour to Poland.
• The Catholic Church decided to take the heat off that whole child abuse thing by doing a little money laundering.
• Speaking of people who can’t have sex, Viagra just got a whole lot cheaper in England.
• You know what else is cheap? 9/11 conspiracy theories. This week, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad threw his figurative hat in the ring.
• And finally, the Commonwealth Games start next week. Well, they will if any athletes show up.

Pope Likens Ricky Gervais to Adolf Hitler

Not since Lady GaGa has a cult leader so brazenly courted publicity.

After having to issue multiple apologies for his role in covering up sexual abuse in the Church, claiming that condoms worsen the AIDS crisis and decrying gay rights as ‘insidious and dangerous’, Pope Benedict XVI has raised the stakes of controversy by wearing a meat dress likening atheism to the cold-blooded genocide.

Continued here.

Restoring Honor: Thousands Rally in Bradford & Washington Over Islam

Thousands of activists have taken to the streets today, across both the UK and the US, to make a stand against the perceived threat of Islam.

The two rallies may be officially unrelated, but share a very similar cause: to fight against the influence of the Islamic faith.

An honorable cause. Photo: John Giles/PA

The rally in Bradford, England was organised by the English Defence League, a far-right, “counter Jihad movement” that claims to be peaceful and opposed only to “militant Islam”. Five arrests were made at the rally after missiles were thrown at police.

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Word of The Day: Irony

irony

noun

Example: “I’m sure the mosque rally tonight won’t incite any hatred at all”

1. the use of words to express something different from or opposite to their literal meaning, esp. for comic effect
2. a situation where what occurs is the opposite of what might be expected to occur
3. a vaccine that gives you an illness
4. a song about irony and titled ‘Ironic’ that contains to actual irony

Top 10 Signs that Glenn Beck is Insane

10. Barking like a dog 9. His own panel of guests are baffled by his incoherent rants 8. He experiences esoteric hallucinations about killing Michael Moore

Sleeping With The Enemy: Senior Republican Ken Mehlman Comes Out of The Closet

Former campaign manager to George W. Bush, Ken Mehlman finally emerged from the glass closet today with the admission that he is, in fact, a homosexual man.

Mehlman is not the first politician to come out of the closet.

Although gays are usually greeted out of the closet with sparkly rainbow parties, Mehlman’s emergence has been rather less well-received by the gay community, where he is being accused by many of hypocrisy for supporting anti-gay policies in the past.

Gay activist and blogger Joe Jervis succinctly captured the animosity currently felt towards Mehlman, writing

“Gee thanks…That’s like offering to help rebuild a house when YOU were the f***er that helped BURN IT DOWN.”

McLawsuit: McDonalds McSues Sardinian Snack Bar ‘McPuddus’

Local restaurant owner Ivan Puddu has incurred the McWrath of international fast food giant McDonalds by daring to append ‘Mc’ to his snack bar’s name.

McPissed Off: Ronald suits up.

Quote of The Day!

“The speculation that I would have used a golf club to hit him is just truly ridiculous.”

Elin Nordegren comes out of the cuckold closet, and talks about her divorce from Cheetah Tiger Woods.

If only Tiger Woods could run this fast.

Source: BBC

Japanese Prime Minister Contender Dislikes America and Little Sister Britain

Ichiro Ozawa, an established Japanese politician tipped as a contender for Prime Minister has admitted to finding Americans simple-minded and Brits unlikeable.

The former secretary general of Japan’s ruling Democratic Party quite plainly declared his views, saying “I don’t like British people”.

Thinking about Westerners…
Photo: REUTERS/Yuriko Nakao

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